Journey to Faith

Journey to Faith

I didnt grow up in a religious family. My dad is a staunch atheist, my maternal grandfather is as well. My mom enrolled us in some Christian based child care early on but we never read the bible or prayed. We never referenced God and if we did go to church it was as a social event. My mother normally only took us on a certain holiday (Easter). I knew of God but never any more then that. I didnt know better, no one offered to guide me. When I graduated high school I had a Aunt who told me I was a "horrible" person because I didnt believe in God. And it was at that moment that I knew that if a family member could treat me so terribly based on my ignorance instead of trying to guide and witness to me, why would I want to know God. Why would I want to be a part of a faith that was so judge mental an un-accepting. I didnt want to hear any more and I never thought about God or church for years.

What changed?

It started when I had my first child. I struggled with how I wanted to raise him in regard to religion. I went back and forth and still did nothing. Then I had my second child. At that point I knew that I wanted them to have the option of religion but I didnt know where to begin. I had no knowledge, almost every Christian I had met, had rubbed me the wrong way, so again I waited. It wasnt until the last year that things changed. I had quit a job that I hated and was trying to find my way. I was lost but didnt even know how lost I was. I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child and that's when I took to google. I looked at several reviews for many churches and found one right up the street. It took me a few weeks to gather up the courage but when my husband went to play hockey on Sunday I took the boys to the church. The boys loved it! And I continued to go back. I sat there in the pew and actively listened but it was only on Sundays that I thought of God and the bible. I was only there because the boys loved going back. The congregation was beyond welcoming and the staff in the kids club area were so great. Each week I went I could feel the love. What does that mean? The people were genuine, their sentiment personal, their singing came from the heart. The pastor at the end of each sermon asked those who felt the spirit of God to come up and join the church. I felt the need to walk up there 2x that summer but my family history told me otherwise.

I then decided to try some other churches since in my mind I had become to "attached" to this one. Because of this I tried several "mega churches" thinking the children would like it more but boy was I wrong. The kids would be in tears begging not to go. So we went back to the original church. A church whose congregation was much older and there were maybe 4 other children the same age as the boy, but they loved it. By this time I was just about due to give birth to my 3rd child. I was angry, hormonal and lost. We still struggled with picking names but nothing spoke to us. No name stood out.

When I went into labor it was completely different then the birth of the first 2 boys. I was so scared and had this feeling that something was going to go wrong. The contractions were closer together and more painful but he wasnt moving down the birth canal. He was "stuck," the contractions kept coming and were more intense. He was not in the correct position. After lots of manipulation he was finally born and just in time. His heart rate was fluctuating, and his cord had been "cut" in a few places, it wasnt friable or completely broken but enough that it could and most likey lead to the early labor. Despite all of that the baby was healthy. He had fought to come out but we were still without a name. None of the pre decided names seemed to fit and nothing was coming to mind. My husband left the room and came back and said what about the name, Gideon? And instantly something spoke to me and I said yes. Thats the name. I had no idea what it meant or its origin but I had this distinct feeling that this precious little warrior was Gideon. A few weeks later we went back to church and were overwhelmed by the love and welcoming we received.

We asked the pastor to come over to answer some questions we had about God and faith and it gave me a lot to think about. Here are some of the questions that I had and the answers that he gave:

1. Why does so much evil exist in the world? War, famine etc

Evil exists because of man's sin. God does allow it to happen although He does not cause it to happen. This is a product of our free will. Remember our conversation about free will, it is impossible to love God or anyone else if we don't have the option of not loving them. God will eventually overcome all evil for good.

2. What about the missing parts of the bible? If we are to gain perspective and guidance from the bible why are large portions of the book missing?

The only large portion of the Bible, that I know of, that is not there is the 400 years between the Old Testament and the New Testament. However we can know what happened during that period from history. There were no prophets then to record God's Word.

3. What is the difference between christian faiths? (baptists, Lutheran etc)

All Christian faith was consistent in the beginning. However, as Christianity began its expansion local cultures and traditions began to infiltrate it. Most of the letters Paul wrote to the churches were to address these issues. Divisions started to come about in the church. These differences eventually led to different denominations. The answer for this is to teach and preach the Bible and not denominational traditions.

4. How can God allow representatives of a church to sin? I know that we are humans and are not perfect but how can priests violate children yet represent god

We are all human and sinful, as you said, even church leaders. However, those who violate children do not represent God. In the sermon on the mount, Jesus said that there would be many who claimed to preach in His name, heal the sick in His name and even cast out demons in His name and He would tell them to depart from Him because He never knew them.

5. Not all religions can be correct, so how do you know yours is the right way?

The only way we can know if ours is correct is if it conforms to the Bible. Too many times traditions are counted as important as the Word of God. This should never happen.

6. The relationship between us and God sounds like a slave/master relationship; Question-There are so many slave/master relationships including demon/evil & us where we are supposed to devote ourselves to an unseen entity. How do we know that this omnipotent entity is the right now?

Again we look to the Bible for the answer. The Bible is the only book that we can go to for the answers to life's problems and the way to live and serve God. While it does seem a master/slave relationship, it is a voluntary one. Paul spoke of being a bond servant. A bond servant entered servanthood voluntarily and the master committed to supply his needs for life. This type of servanthood isn't as we think of master slave relationship.

7/8. If we celebrate Christmas are we going against God? Since the birth of Jesus is been said to be at a different time? 8. Why are there holidays that correspond to pagan traditions and such? Were parts of Christianity adopted from older religions?

The birth of Jesus probably was in the spring, and some of our Christian holidays do correspond with pagan holidays or pagan traditions have infiltrated our observance of these holidays. There is nothing wrong with celebrating Christmas as long as we celebrate it for the right reason, the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. Easter is celebrated for the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus from the dead.

9. What happened to people before Christianity & Judaism ?

Judaism did not start until the birth of Isaac, probably around 1800 BC. Before that people still knew God. Adam and Eve were the first two people created and they knew God. The first promise of the Messiah was when they sinned and were put out of the Garden of Eden. The earth was destroyed because of the continual sin of the people during Noah's time. So God has always been known and the promise of the Messiah from the beginning of time.

So now I had these answers but I still wasn't "sold". I continued to go to church and think of God the one day a week and then I decided I needed to see what Gideon meant and it lead me to Judges 6-8. I read the story of Gideon, the timid warrior and his 300 soldiers. How Gideon was the youngest of his family and tentatively rose up with God's help. How he tested God and God came through and empowered him to lead the people against the Midianites who had persecuted them. And with the glory of God they defeated the Midianties and brought back Christianity. I was amazed the name Gideon meant all of this and had spoken to us.

It was then the following Sunday the pastor spoke of Habakkuk, a minor prophet who questioned God. And that was when it clicked. It was ok to have questions. I had felt that because I had questions it meant that I couldnt believe in the power of God. But as he read the first several verses I knew at that moment that just because I had questions didnt mean that I couldnt believe in God. I walked up at the end of the sermon and in front of the congregation accepted God as my savior. At that moment I couldnt help but start to cry. I felt this burden lift. This weight that I didnt even know that I was carrying. I felt at peace. I was baptized the next Sunday.

I am so blessed that God continued to try to show me the way and never gave up. It is through his power that I have a purpose and know that no matter what I plan or try to do if its not God's plan it will never work out. And I truly believe that. I thank God each day for the opportunities to better myself in his name and glorify him each chance I get.

If you feel lost or have questions please reach out. You are not alone and I would love to help you on your journey.

#faith #questionsaboutgod #feelinglost #christianity